THE WEAKEST LINK

I did not go to work today, i just felt i needed to rest my body. Well, i've been wanting to do that since the first hour of my working days. I just have this feeling of exhaust and stress, plus the speculation of aggravation over my job. And so, i texted my boss to let him know i'll be absent for some reasons which were apparently truth and lie, but they are not totally may be considered alibis because as i said, some points are true.

I stayed home and do things i do like a regular day off; lay in bed, watch stuffs, facebook, read through the internet, eat, look around, chit-chat with my mom and dad about their day at the hospital, and of course, just stocked and not move my ass!

Unfortunately, tonight's a struggle for my favorite thing to do, SLEEP. I've been laying in my bed for the last 10 hours, i have finished reading an endeavor of someone far from who i know, i have completed my ideal life in my imagination, i have visited all my friends's page and let them know i miss them, i have heard all the songs in the disc and the dj's exaggeration over the radio, i have found out where that cricket stays in my room that i could hear the buzzing sound over my place, i have figured out all the constellations present in the sky, and, i have felt me as an individual and as a normal person (just quite nocturnal unlike normal human specie). On that note, I JUST CAN'T SLEEP!

On my mind, i have totally let myself believe that i deserve a break, and how about sleeping when the sun is not up there? "fair enough!" i told myself, but looks like it did not transpire as good as i thought it has to be! Good Lord in heaven, i just had time to self-pity around and envy other people who gets the better slice of the cake!

Others may think i am bitter, well i am! I have all the reasons to be anyway, 'cause their darn asses are smelling around and it's stink like a rotten mouse or a spoiled wormy tomato chunks in a sealed cookie jar that has been freed under the glass dining table (but no worries today, because i don't have the reason to envy their obvious smells).

I envy those who have healthy father, career and love life, those who lives in mine's impossibilities -- because of my life's limits, those who care enough for others, those who can write as free as their minds can think of and those who can keep their faith glowing and not fading through time.

I envy my seat mate's life back in high school, it was simple and basic, but she's happy about it; my friend's pilgrimage in college, he'll be separated with his friends but he did not lose the hope that there'll be friends waiting for him in his destination and his mum is excited to see him again after a long time; my previous work mate who has gone to a lot of heart breaks with the one she loves (who turned out to be like a gay) and her family but still manage to walk her life through as tough as she could; my present work mate's disposition over his job -- that he will not get used to it and familiar to it enough to make him think of getting a new job and a career; my sister who is better of not revealing her emotions and keeping them to her self just so as not to bother anyone; my pop who has a lot of pain but still has that happy disposition; and, my mom's determination that we could make it to the end strong, however, we just have to accept what might happen while getting to the finish line.

No matter how hard i try, close my eyes and hide, i just can't escape the fact that i can't sleep because i am thinking that i WANT TO BE HAPPIER, but i never lose the string i'm holding on to 'IN TIME, EVERYTHING WOULD BE GREATER THAN I HAVE EVER IMAGINED IT COULD BE LAST NIGHT."