PORK CHAO FAN AND PORK TOFU

so i am having that breakfast in a not-so-fancy restaurant, and suddenly found myself being so mixed-up with the tone of the song they've played, then eventually got into analyzing the words in that music, i felt myself moved and had a sensational goose bumps.

"who am i that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name? who am i... yada yada yada..."

.. then i asked, "is this Your way of reminding me that i am taking you for granted?"

i changed whatever covered my mind, it's just strange that when i tried, the music just blew louder.

then i said, "ok, are you trying to blow the water on me? I AM GUILTY, YOU WON. i pray just whenever i remember and just whenever i am asked to do so, i don't read my bible anymore and spiders are reigning over it on my book shelve, when i wake up i go straight to hydrate myself and i don't take time to remember you, when i eat and that's what i do all the time (You know me, sure You do) i don't even thank You for whatever i am about to put in my mouth, i say bad words and i just don't mind, i think awful stuffs about my fellahs, and most of all, i have forgotten HOW MUCH YOU LOVE ME. i am SORRY. i'll make it up, i wouldn't promise cause You taught me not to.I'LL JUST TO IT GOD.. I WILL"

i may not totally express my ample gratitude for everything, 'cause maybe i am not capable of such for i have a lot to be thankful of.

i remember, one evening before i have gone to work i prepared my self a meal to back me up for the whole night stress. i have one mixed-vegetable dish, fried fish, and one other fried dish that i don't remember the name but it is made of minute prawns that had been held together by flour and egg (and bread cramps? i guess). well, the dishes did not work well with my taste buds. the vegetable dish turned out to be overcooked for me, fish is a fish and i am not happy that those fish are made to be fish and just intended for frying, those round friend little prawns held tightly together are just too salty for me too resist -- it's like drinking water from the wide ocean floor. so, i stood up, make face that probably says "WTF am i eating?! it effin' does not taste good and i'm gonna bust everything out to trash bin!" and loudly said "eeh, makanyan ing pamangan ku!! enaku mamangan!!" well, i just woke up. out of shocked my father shouted, "nakang kayarti!! nanu nanaman wari ing buri mung kanan?!!!"

SILENCE.

i regret i even said something like that without even acknowledging that i am not deserving to any nice meal unless i say thank You every time i have something to ease my borgorygmus.

because the truth is, this folks below this note are starving, and i eat for pleasure.

i ended up, having take out rather than dine in. I LOSE MY  APPETITE! YES, I DID.